In Loving Memory

12:52 AM

I've not posted in the longest time ever and now here I am going to dedicate my first post of 2015 to my dearest Ah Gong.

110115 || 2312

The day of our loss; I never thought this day would come so quickly.
Perhaps it was cause I was living in denial despite the news of you down with stage 4 cancer hitting us in November. 
After the news came, we tried our best to put as much time as possible aside so that we can spend it with you before you leave. But time is never on our side and now you're no longer physically with us.

You were the one we had so much respect for.
The one that was always smiling.
The one who carried me so often when I was younger 
(especially when I was still the only girl, hehs)
The one who is always encouraging us in our studies.
Always showering us with your love. 
Even till the very end, you always said that you never wanted to "bother" us 
(never once were you a bother to us)
You always had us in consideration. 
You always placed all of us before yourself. 

Thank you for always loving me despite our language barrier.
I'm sorry for not picking up dialect enough so as to communicate with you more. 
Though I eventually picked it up a little, it was too late since I still suck at it. 
Now when I look back, I really wished I picked it up earlier.

But there is something that I regretted even more than that.
And that is not being able to celebrate your last birthday with you before your departure.
If time could be turned back, I would give up everything, even the opportunity for overseas internship just to spend your last birthday with you. 
If only I knew. 
I can still recall that day, a year ago, when you found out I wasn't going to be in Singapore for your birthday, dejectedness was expressed through both your facial expression and tone. 
I even promised you that I'll fly back specially for you.
But it was a promise I broke.
I remember how proud you looked on my phone screen when I face-timed you to wish you "Happy Birthday" and "celebrated" with you over the phone. 
It was so precious and priceless.
Thank you for being proud of this granddaughter of yours despite that.
Even though it was because of company policies, it was still a promise I made to you broken. 
Now, no amount of apology can make up for that. 

Remember one of the last few things you told me?
Just 3 days before you left us when I visited you and held your hand.
Apparently it was "Wah! Lei ge sao hou dong!" 
Translate: Wah, your hands are so cold!
Hehe, oopsie daisie..
Please be assured up there that I will take care of myself.
I'll try as much as possible to keep myself healthy by having proper and healthy meals, exercise more regularly, and not fall sick often. 
And yes, that includes the "cursed" huge sickness that seems to happen every 4 years.

You always wanted us to put priority in our studies, to study hard.
You always wanted to see us wearing our graduation gown.
I'm graduating in 4 months now. 
Can't believe that you'll not be physically there for my graduation. 
Not only that, you'll be missing on all the major milestones in my life.
My baptism, my university graduation, etc.
It's been more than a week and I still can't accept the fact that you've left. 
It isn't easy to simply put everything aside to focus on that huge workload I have in front of me. 
But rest assure that I will give my all for this last 1 month, this last lap 
so that I'll be able to let you feel proud of me once again. 
You'll be watching me right?
I'm pretty sure you will be. 

I really suck at expressing myself verbally.
But I hope that I've expressed myself well through my own ways; non-verbally. 
There will always be this spot in my heart that's specially set aside for you and you alone. 
You are and will always be my favourite 93 year old man. 
Missing you so so much ah gong.

With all love and respect,
Teng Teng 
your oldest granddaughter.

our last selfie with our photogenic handsome ah gong.
healthy looking at the age of 93.5.

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